my baby

is all grown up.

and she's a beautiful, happy, giddy woman....and soon to be wife.

my life has been consumed since september with her desire to be married to a certain someone. 

we (the whole family) have been fluttering around her to get everything done in the short time that we get her in utah with us. namely five whole visits on weekends when they can come down between school. it's been a whirlwind of activity. a crazy whirlwind. full of people.

today, i got my baby to myself.

i. finally. got. my. baby. to. myself.

with no noise. only the photographer (who is amazing by the way) was with us. and i got to watch my baby have her bridal pictures taken. 17 days before she becomes aleks forever wife. while sara was looking forward to a bright future, I got to quietly observe the amazing woman my daughter has become. it was an awesome day.

she chose the utah state capitol as the venue for her bridal portraits. with so many people there to celebrate the holidays, it felt like we were able to be in a world that only included us three. . . at least for me.

as we walked in to the capitol, sara told me that when she was little she remembered seeing the brides in different places, and how pretty they were, and how she so wanted to be like them. . . and that she was so excited because today it was finally her turn!

after getting changed, we walked out and met heather bliss, the photographer. as sara was walking to the stairs, there was a small girl there that watched sara, and as sara passed, the young girl replied, "you're so pretty". sigh.

yes sweet little girl, she is. both on the outside, and on the inside. and i am loving watching her. . . . and I am loving watching you watch her.

. . . and to the little girls daddy . . . enjoy your time with your daughter. . . she'll grow up before you can blink and wonder where all those years went. . . and she'll be wearing her own wedding dress with another young girl watching her and dreaming of her day when she can be a bride and have only one person on her mind. . . and it isn't you. . .

. . .and that's exactly the way it should be.

the last white dress...

i will buy for my baby girl to wear. that was today. but it was a joyful day. an exciting day. an exhausting day. and a beautiful day. her eyes were more beautiful than her dress. and her countenance more beautiful than her eyes.

the first white dress i bought for her was just after she was born. it was her blessing dress. some people would call it a baptism dress, but we are not them. we belong to the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. . . you know. the mormons. we bless our children when they are just a month or two old. . i have her blessing dress in my cedar chest waiting until she has her own little girl.

we save baptizing our children until they are eight. that was her second white dress. she wanted to have a matching purse and gloves. . . so i made her dress and the purse and we found some gloves to match. i found it still hanging in her closet the other day. she's kept it all these years. it made me smile.

we've been planning this "final" excursion for the last two weeks. it's a big one in her life. so big that she not only included me but invited all her sisters and sisters in law, and four of her best friends. not everyone showed up, but most of us did. we weren't allowed in the room with her to help put on the dresses. she wanted the wow factor. it was. we laughed at the fact that there were tissues in the room - like someone would cry. please.

after at least a million dresses and as many hours... ok, maybe 30 dresses and five hours... she finally found the one that she felt beautiful in. the one that would make him look at her twice, or three times, or maybe forever. while everyone was focused on what others would think of the dress, she was focused on what he would think of her in the dress. she was focused on the day that she would finally be his forever. she was focused on finally having the biggest dream that she's ever dared to dream for herself so close that she can almost touch it. almost.

so while everyone watched her in her dress, i watched what was in her eyes and in her heart. i heard the nuances that were in her words, and after so long the desire to be done so that she could just get back into his arms again where she likes to be. she's safe there. and he keeps her safe there. i like that.

as she looked at herself in that final dress, swathed in lace, with a cathedral veil framing her face, she softly told me that this was the one. i asked her if she was sure. and when she answered in the affirmative, we both started crying. i didn't know that being at the end of this mommy journey was going to be as rough as it has been. but it's joyful too. (grand-kids from older children are awesome benefits) but there is just something about your own baby growing up. bittersweet. but more sweet than bitter. after all, i just look in her eyes, and then i look in his eyes, and i watch them watch each other and how can i not want that for my daughter? that is exactly what i want for my daughter.

so i bought her last white dress today. i did it with joy. because i love her, and i love him because he loves her so much. alek will marry my baby sara in the oquirrh mountain temple in december. and i'm pretty sure that she will be the most beautiful bride that december has ever seen. and i'm pretty sure that when alek sees her, that he'll agree.